I've been wanting for a long time to post this, but I couldnt find the words to do it. I still havent said everything I wanted to, but this is a start. Please please educate yourselves and those around you.


stig·ma
Pronunciation: 'stig-ma
Function: noun a mark of shame or discredit



Mental illness is very common, affecting 1 in 5 Americans (more than 20 million people).

It is among the costliest health challenges our country faces.

Research continues uncovering evidence of genetic and physical factors underlying mental illness--so much so that many experts now refer to mental illnesses as brain disorders.

Mental illness does not result from bad parenting, or a lack of spiritual conviction. People do not "just get over" a mental illness anymore than they "just get over" cancer.

Most mental illness eases with treatment, through various forms of talk therapy, medication, or a combination of the two.

And yet --

* Stigma and shame still present significant barriers to treatment.
* Insurers typically cover mental illnesses far less comprehensively than physical illnesses (there are legislative efforts underway to change this).
* In rural areas, it can be particularly difficult to find appropriate mental health care.
taken from (http://www.erasethestigma.org/default.html)

There is a girl in my school who, shortly after school started, told everyone she was bipolar...Many people right then started disliking her and reading into all her behaviours. Many people at school that didnt make snap judgements dislike her because of how she has behaved and that they know she has bipolar disorder. No one at my school knows I have bipolar disorder, and I am well-liked. I have a different personality than the other girl, but it makes very little difference, she is a nice girl. If I were to let people at school know I had bipolar disorder Im almost positive that people would form their own ideas-- even tho they have seen me behave fairly normal these past months. I was ashamed of my illness...I still am. Im ashamed that I am this way, because the public is uneducated about mental illness. 1 in 5 americans have some sort of mental illness. Why are we treated like pariahs when we cant help our diagnosis any more than someone with cancer can. Why is it that people flock to help people who are diagnosed with cancer, but run away from us who have mental illnesses? Im not looking for sympathy here. I want people to educate themselves about mental illnesses. I want people to know that bipolar disorder can be treated and a person can live a normal life. I want people to know that Im not going to get all 'crazy' on them and do something stupid. I want all the people who have mental illnesses that arent seeing doctors, because they are afraid of the stigma, to go see a doctor. I want it to be OK for anyone to say that they have a mental illness and not be ashamed. Thats all I really want for Christmas
( article on the stigma of mental health...please read this )

Yesterday I had my first appointment with my p-doc (the one i saw before was the hospital doc). The doc confirmed what everyone had been saying all along. Im bipolar II, which to me is a releif, II is less 'intense' than bipolar I. He changed my meds a little, kept me on the effexor, and took me off the trazadone. I hate the trazadone, it made me nervous and jittery, not relaxed, altho i think in the end it did somehow make me sleep. He started me on a mood stabilizer called lamactil. He was gonna give me lithium, but i refused it, there are so many bad side effects with that one.
I didnt sleep at all last night, i was so restless. The moment i dozed off, something woke me up again. Im so tired this am, and now i have flu-like symptoms.


I've decided to get back on the atkins diet. When J gets paid on the 5th is when ill start (we have hardley any groceries right now). I did so well on that diet, and i felt better when i was on it.
Im also going to start going back to school. I hope my financial aid comes thru fast enough so i can start the fall term. Im still going to stick with the social work/counselor major/minor.


*edit*
I have also decided to wait on the foster-care thing untill my moods are more stable --lord knows how long that will be. Maybe by then I will be ready to try for some of my own again?? anyway. We are also looking for a cheaper place to live. With me not working and stuff its really hard to keep up with all our bills.

A little background first. I have a history of major depression. I've been really badly depressed lately, and just recently decided to go see people about it. It took me a while to actually get in to see a counsellor, and until this morning I havent seen a psychiatrist (the person who can perscibe and diagnose).
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Altright....So I had a Counseling appt 9:30am friday, and it went pretty well. Untill the end when she was wrapping up and I told her I felt suicidal this past week. We decided that I should admit myself to the psych ward at our hospital for observation, and to get put on some meds. The main reason was the meds, The Pdoc at the counselling center I go to Is booked for a looooooooooooong time. They've never given me a specific, or even general time frame of when I will be able to get in to see him. So I admit myself on Friday, and am told that I wont be able to see the doc untill sat, which is ok with me, They also wanted to observe me.

This morning (after the crappiest breakfast ever --I almost puked when i tasted the eggs-from-a-box), I saw the doctor, and he said that I may be BipolarII, which is slightly different than bipolarI. I do have episodes of mania, but they are nowhere near as bad nor do they occur as often as most ppl with the bipolar dx. The doc put me on some effexor for the depression part, and some other small anti-depressant (i cant remember the name) to help me sleep at night.

I really really hope all of this helps, so I can start feeling normal again.

Alright, I've been posting far too many quizzes and junk.


a bunch of things have been going on.


I dont remember if i mentioned before (and im too lazy to go check), but Jason and I are applying to become foster/adopt parents :) It takes a few months to get licensed, which is just what we need to get everything in order to have children in our home.

due to the smallness of our house we can only be approved for 2 children-which is plenty at the moment.

I would really like to adopt a baby. We want to have a baby really bad, but I need to get healthy first--physically and mentally.

I've been quite depressed lately. I've been to see a counselor, and am on a waiting list to see the pdoc so i can get on some meds. The counselor said it looks to her I may be bipolar...well that wouldnt surprise me a whole lot, because I had a doctor who diagnosed me as bipolar several years ago. I honestly dont care what the DX is, just as long as I get better. I really dont want to feel this way anymore.

Anyway--enough of the ickie stuff.


Today, I am cleaning out our spare bedroom/office, which has never really been unpacked since we moved in to this place (almost 11 mos ago). I need to take all the office stuff out and make it into a bedroom- a child-safe bedroom, so we can get approved :)

there are so many things to do when fostering--its just like having your own baby, you have to get all the stuff, cribs, toys, potty training stuff. The only real difference is (besides not giving birth) that we have to get stuff for all ages and have our house safe for all ages 0-17.

I think its gonna be fun!